fucken ell.

I just had a chat with Meghan. Made me realize something.

The sum of my relationships with people these days is based on problems. Talking about problems. My problems, or their problems. This, succinctly put, is bullshit.

I'm sick of hearing about people pal-ing around with their group of friends, getting into mischief, whatever it is "normal" people do. My human interaction is limited to my parents(who I will discuss later), text messages(initiated by myself), and Scott coming over(only when I call him first), to watch a tv show episode or two. Its enough to drive a man mad.

Why does no one want to play with me? Am I annoying? I try not to be... Much of my personality is based on how I think others would want me to act.

My parents drive me crazy. My dad thinks the only thing in my life right now should be school work. He continually hounds me on it, and when I deem not to answer him, he begins giving me some huge piece of advice to live my life by or a story from his college career. My mother is a roller-coaster. Example: Last night my dad, mom, and I went to dinner. My mom and I joked around a lot and she bet me $20 I wouldn't pick up the dessert dish and lick it. Of course I did. She laughed. Earlier that day I had gone down to the kitchen and talked to her about physics and such just to have someone to physically speak with. Well, today all I did was homework which put me in a bad mood, and the Julia thing doesn't help and frankly I have a lot on my mind. She sits down beside me and wants to have a conversation. I'm willing to try... Ok... ...About what, Mom? I'm texting Jessica at this point and answer any scant questions my mom throws me. My dad walks in and my mom gets up, bitches about me not wanting to talk to her and storms off.

Then in the hall a little while later we have a stand off about 20 feet apart. She talks about how she just wants to have a conversation with her son. I said, thats fine, what did you try and start a conversation about? She is unable to answer. She can not get it into her head that you can't simply walk up to someone and have a conversation without a subject. Also when she asks what I'm thinking about, she gets offended when I don't want to answer.

I just got really distracted and lost my train of thought.

Basically I feel very alone. Like no one would miss me if I... for example left tonight.

Oh well.