Julia

I feel confident the only person reading this is Jessica, who already knows everything I am about to say.

I feel like I love Julia. When I'm not with her, she is the only thing on my mind. When I'm with her I can't tear my eyes from her, like when you focus on nothing and seem to lose control of your eyes. I just assume all that means something.

But everyday my heart breaks. She responds to 1/5 of my texts. I can't tell if she ignores me or simply can't text back very often. I don't understand either of those reasons. Maybe she feels like I will get sick of her... If she does, that is foolish. It's been six years, and I'm not sick of her.

I'm scared to call her. She always tells me she hates talking on the phone. So calling just to talk is out. My one way to contact her is to text her, but I'm scared to ask her out via text message. It's one of those taboos I guess.

My greatest fear is that she will get sick of me, change her mind. The only relief for this fear are the fleeting moments I get to spend with her.

I'm nervous around her, like a kid on his first date. She constantly smiles at me. Grabs me by the hand. At the party we went to we were inseparable. She walked, grabbed my hand, I followed. Gladly. We stood still, her back to my front, my arms around her. Momentarily she would turn around, look in my eyes with the most genuine smile and plant deep kisses on my lips, each of which was followed by a smaller kiss. Like a signature. I don't understand how we seem to progress as we are together but always go back to the way it always is when we are apart.

I spend my days waiting for the rose bushes in my backyard to bloom. As soon as they do I will pick the best three. Maybe one. I can't decide. But I will drive to her mom's house at 4 in the morning, park down the street and place them on her windshield. Also there will be a note. It will say, "I'm running out of ways to tell you I need you. I love you." Or something clever like that. I will spray my cologne on the note. No name. The cologne I specifically wore the night of the party, where I knew she would be holding on to me; the cologne she commented on.

Anyways. Here I am again just using this site as an outlet. If you read this Jessica... Please tell me. Text me about it or something.

-I always thought I was her Edward. Maybe I'm just her Jacob.